Guilt
It's past midnight already but I can't sleep because of guilt. I wanted so badly for my son, Luis, to sleep earlier than his usual -- meaning sleeping at a decent hour for a 3 year old like him, for a change -- that I've been freaking out the past couple of nights because despite his sleepiness, actual sleep seem to elude him. Last night he slept past 1AM. This evening we deliberately turned the lights out at 9:30 to give him time to slow down, relax and finally fall asleep early. I figured this will not be hard since I saw his eyes already drooping and he won't stop yawning. But almost 2 hours after he was still wide awake. It was as though the darkness of the night has some magical effect on his senses, waking him up and pumping fresh supply of energy to last him another 2 hours or so. In my desperation, I repeatedly ordered him to close his eyes and go to sleep. As if not being able to sleep was his fault and that he was deliberately disobeying me.When he finally slept shortly before 12MN, I heaved a sigh of relief. That was more than 1 hour earlier than the usual. Guilt struck me hard when Do stressed he can see Luis really trying to obey me, but that somehow he can't force himself to sleep. Sigh...I can't argue with that. I think I saw his efforts, too. I am just so worried that sleeping really late is fast becoming a habit that might be harder to break later on.
posted by lala @ 12:44 AM
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