19 Months & Counting
With eyes narrowed and eyebrows curled together in the middle of his forehead, the driver looked at me as if I'm a blabbering idiot. The look on his face actually said so much more. To him I was the most incomprehensible being to roam this earth.
One year and seven months after and I still can't speak Hangul, the Korean language, in a way Koreans will understand. My tongue, trained to speak Tagalog and English all my life, can't seem to deliver the bite required to pronounce, for example, the word "park" into "pakki". The weekly trip to my son's playschool remains a challenge to this day because my request for the cab driver to bring us to Dankook University doesn't sound right by the Korean driver's ears. Of course there really is no letter D in the Korean alphabet. Instead they use letter T. Several times I tried saying Tankuk instead of Dankook, but I still end up getting the what-are-you-blabbering-about look. The fact that there is no letter D in their alphabet also makes me wonder endlessly why they use it in the first place. And it doesn't end there. There is Busan, which is actually Pusan -- again because there is no letter B in their alphabet. Gangnam, which is actually Kangnam because they don't have a letter G. And here's one more. Their president's surname, Roh, is pronounced as Noh because the word Roh has a bad connotation (if I am not mistaken it means death or is linked to it). Why not just delete that surname from the list, in the first place, and officially replace all Roh with Noh or Goh or Poh? Hangul has many other quirks and, for the sake of being politically correct, I'd say unique qualities. But I will not go into that direction because I am not learnt enough to discuss them.
Sometimes I am lucky and encounter Koreans who are not afraid to use what little English they know to correct my Hangul. But for the life of me I can't tell what's the difference between the way I said the word against the supposedly correct one. My favorite example here is Hangangjin. Again, they don't have a letter J so you are supposed to use CH in its place. Doesn't seem very hard, does it? Try and say it to a Korean, especially one who can't speak English, and you'll understand what I'm blabbering about.
Everyone is saying the key is consistent practice. To translate that into action in my particular case means to go out in the streets more often -- take the bus, talk to the friendly woman in the laundromat, buy from street vendors -- because at home I am the only one who showed the slightest interest in learning the language. But time is running out. I might not be able to learn the language enough to commit it to memory so that one fine day, given the chance of coming back, I'd find surviving easier than the first time. My only consolation is that at least I can read Korean!
Why?
Odd that I did not feel anything after reading my friend's e-mail. I don't know if I was numbed, in shock, or it was because I was already expecting it to happen all along. It was just a matter of time. Yes...for the second time her husband left my friend. Without a word, always in the middle of the night. No explanations, no reasons, no goodbyes.
When it first happened my friend cried, and I cried with her. She cursed and I cursed with her. She asked questions and I did so alongside her. Probably that's what's different now. Her email 3 days ago was so devoid of emotion. It was brief, to the point, and so bland such that my unconscious self would have probably thought to feel anything at the moment is to betray the way my friend is feeling.
And I couldn't blame her. The last time we talked I almost goaded her to cutting the ties this time. I couldn't understand how she can live with and continue loving a man who obviously only wants her back to serve his selfish ambitions. I was stopped short by the fact that I didn't have solid hard evidence, save for the circumstances surrounding their reconciliation which were all suspect. Despite my doubts I gave my friend all the support she needed and wished her happiness the second time around. She was all too willing to set aside her pain and give their marriage a second chance. True to her vow, she welcomed him back with open arms and resolved to make the relationship work. To spend the rest of her life with the man she loves.
How could something so beautiful end up so...bad?
I kept thinking about her last night. I can almost see her in their house, all by herself, working out the whys. Three days after her e-mail and the feeling's slowly coming back to me. It was like waking up from a trance. I want to comfort her, to hold her hand and tell her I understand. I wish we are nearer now more than ever, because I know that despite the strength she is showing, deep inside she's crumbling. But this time she will be too hurt to show it. When pride and dignity is all that's left, sometimes the only way to go is to pretend you're unaffected.
Hectic Hunt
Riding a "london taxi" from Changi Airport to our hotel I immediately felt relieved at the sight and sound of familiar things. Signs that I can read and actually understand, tunes I can sing, brands I recognize. I can even identify with the weather, although Singapore's humidity is a bit higher than Manila's. I immediately fell in love with Singapore. Before we visited to house hunt I was having second thoughts about moving. Separation anxiety perhaps, because I've already made friends in Seoul and has gotten quite fond of spring and fall.
Singapore is like a beautiful, big, resort covered with luscious greeneries and fine architecture. Scouring its streets inspired me to go on and on with the house hunt, despite the heat...and the lure of shopping (discount signs everywhere!).
We saw at total of 10 condominium developments and ended up with 3 in our shortlist. Almost meeting our specifications but not quite as much as we'd have liked.
Cuscaden Residences, our first choice, has elegant design and finishings. I particularly like its very modern, minimalist bathroom and the spaciously designed cabinets. If not for its rather small living and dining areas we would have sealed the deal right there and then. If I don't currently have big furnitures I would have still pushed for Cuscaden. That's not the case, however, and if I insist we'll end up having a more of a store room than a house. And oh, I almost forgot there are construction works nearby, which could mean noise all throughout the day. So much for the elegant, minimalist design.
Our second choice,
River Place, has a resort-like ambiance, with grounds covered with infinity pools and fountains. The clubhouse and gym are really nice, plus it's idyllically located along the river with jogging and biking paths. Across the river, accessible via a nearby footbridge, are street cafes and quaint shops. The downside is the available unit which although spacious is much too dim (dark, even) for my preference. I have this feeling the dimness will sap our energies and push us to become lazy couch potatoes in no time at all.
The third in our shortlist,
Tanglin View, seemed to be "the one"...that is, before we saw the bathrooms. Do just can't stand the tiles used -- both the color and patterns -- plus the rough and rather hurried, unprofessionally done plumbing. So despite the sufficiently large living and dining areas and the brightness of the unit we still can't bring ourselves to make the decision to choose it over the first two. Add to the fact that the unit is on the 17th floor. I can't help but think about Eric Clapton and the story behind his song (...would you know my name if I see you in heaven...would it be the same if I see you in heaven...), despite the agent's assurances that the glass windows are strong enough to resist a 3-year old's assaults.
I wish I have more time to ask around for opinions or look for more options.
Love Lucy
Since I have more time than I can spend, I don’t only read the news now but ventured into reading lifestyle columns as well. This is how I discovered Lucy Torres. Of course we Filipinos all know her as that beautiful shampoo and Bench model married to Richard Gomez. But reading her weekly column at The Philippine Star gave me a wider glimpse into the character of this woman, who I now admire. Suffice it to say that if there’s one kind of life I want to have, or imitate, or duplicate, it is hers. In every column she writes is reflected her deep faith and moral values, dedication as a wife and mother, and integrity as a person. My admiration for Lucy lead me to research about her some more. Unlike most movie and tv personalities I know, Lucy has a college degree to her credit despite her forays into commercial modeling while still studying. Some less determined, less focused souls would have left school for the glamour of showbiz. Not to mention the fat paychecks that could go fatter with well-managed careers. Lucy wisely chose to finish what she deemed more important in the long run. I also found out we have some similarities. For starters, we are both confessed O.C.s (obsessive-compulsive). We both like organizing everything in the house, stacking things neatly in labeled cabinets and boxes. In my O.C.ness, in fact, I arrange clothes in the closet using 2 categories –color and usage! Like Lucy I also have a manual for the house help to follow, and I make sure rules are turned into agreements and expectations well understood. At the height of my O.C.ness and in my well-meaning attempt to make a previous helper manage her time effectively, I even made her a daily time table. But may be it was too much cause after a few months she quit. But I’m proud to say the lesson from that experience wasn’t lost on me. Last but not the least (and probably there are some more I’ve yet to discover), we’re both struggling amateurs when it comes to cooking. I bet that if only we will try harder we’ll both be better cooks but the desire just isn’t there. We both prefer to just enjoy eating our food.
Pleasant Dilemma
Can't be more contradicting than that, can I? I got the idea from a friend who said I am lucky the things I am worrying about are actually pleasant ones, and I can't agree more. I am blessed my dilemma is in choosing which condo unit to rent, and not where to get the money to pay the rent; the smaller unit with opulent finishings or the bigger one that's a little dimmer, and not one with a leaking roof; how to fit our furnishings and stuff if we get the smaller one, and not where to get the funds to buy the furnishings; how to make it brighter if we get the bigger unit, and not how to fit the electric bill into my budget. The list of my pleasant dilemmas goes on and on...
This is all in connection with our almost imminent move to Singapore. We spent 4 days house and school hunting, and got back last night with loads of pictures to review. I am taking this very very seriously because unlike in Seoul, I am opting to stay in a condo unit this time which could mean less space (but more amenities within our reach). I spent practically the whole day today tracing locations of our condo shortlist in a map, studying accessibility -- concerns like nearness of MRT stations and/or other public transport systems, supermarkets, school, parks and playgrounds -- and other matters that will have a direct impact in our day to day life. I took pictures of every part of each condo we visited and now I am busy doing a mock layout -- where to put the sofa, where to place the cabinets -- in order to see whether everything will fit. I need to do all this because a decision on which condo unit to take is required by the end of the week!
Almost 10 hours in front of my computer looking at all the choices and I'm still confronted by my pleasant dilemmas. Size versus form; space versus light; high versus low. I hope I make the right choices in the end.
Honey, I Blew Up Myself!
I can’t believe it. 3 kilos in 2 months! All the weight loss I achieved through constant brisk walking and mountain climbing before the winter set in is now history. It would not have been so bad if I am not already overweight in the first place. To make matters worse, I’m getting big in all the wrong places! This problem is not only about vanity. More importantly this is about health, and economics. The health issue I know everyone will easily understand. Now I am saying this involves economic concerns, too, because when you can’t fit in to your clothes anymore you’ll need to buy new ones. Shopping is the last thing I want to do, especially in Seoul where everything is so expensive. Add to that the fact that I’m a lousy, boring shopper. I can’t spot the right clothes (fabric, style, combination) unless displayed in mannequins. Believe it or not, that’s how I shop for clothes. I look at mannequins and when I like what I see them wearing, that’s what I buy.
Now going back to gaining weight and inches, I searched the net again and found some answers. Most are not comforting, especially since they’re tied up to age and, well, when you are in your 30’s already you’re not exactly young.
The first thing I found out is about women having higher body fat-percentage than men to begin with, courtesy of rising estrogen levels at the start of puberty. Then there’s the matter of getting pregnant. Once you’ve been pregnant, placental hormones increase your appetite and needless to say, this leads to faster fat accumulation….urgh. And finally, as you get older there is about 5% decrease in your metabolic rate, which goes on and on each decade! As if these are not enough, fat tends to accumulate under the abdominal wall, making you lose your waistline over time.
There are two things we can do to manage the situation. One is to increase our physical activity bearing in mind that our metabolism is continuously slowing down so what we used to put in might not be enough anymore. Second is to decrease our calorie intake. Supposedly a combination of these two will make sure we stave off weight gain permanently.
Easier said than done, I know, especially when the weather is not cooperating. With the temperature constantly at sub-zero levels I can’t force myself to go out and do my usual brisk walking. But no excuses there because if I really want to, if I’m desperate enough, I can be more creative and resourceful. There are other activities that are ‘physical enough’ to achieve the same results as brisk walking. For starters, I love dancing. Although it’s not fun to dance alone, I can always search for a dance group or club I can join. Then there’s swimming. There are a number of indoor heated pools around that offer swimming lessons. I just need to get over the fear (or shame?) of having to put on swimwear side by side with slim Koreans. And yes, I am just reminded I can also play badminton.
Just thinking about all these options makes me feel a kilo lighter and about 3 inches sexier already. I need to start at once and resolve to continue and keep going. Unfortunately, in real life there is no such thing as a magic machine that can transform me from being fat to skinny. Unlike in the movies, I can’t just shout honey, I blew up myself and expect to be transformed back to my once-upon-a-time slimmer me.
Expats In Manila
I never thought there were expats in Manila as early as the 19th century until I chanced upon Ambeth Ocampo’s article on it in his book Looking Back. What surprised me even more was to find out that the elements surrounding expatriate life was the same, then and now – living in palatial houses in posh and exclusive subdivisions, free education in international schools for the children, nice cars, security guards at home, and of course the chance to have a number of helpers at a very low cost. Mr. Ocampo’s article detailed a sample list of expenses an expat family spends on a monthly basis, and it only amounts to a measly sum compared with the family’s earnings. And why not? They are, in the first place, spending their dollar earnings in cheap Manila. I personally know a number of expatriates who wouldn’t want to leave, and I don’t blame them. They get to live a life of comfort and convenience, surrounded by helpers who do everything from preparing their bath to picking the clothes they left on the floor. All these comfort and they still receive what is called “hardship pay”. I wonder if “hardship” pertains then to polluted air, traffic jams, and the occasional kidnapping of foreigners because really, if not for these, Manila is a paradise for expatriates.
I said paradise because on top of the perks and benefits, they get to enjoy the warmth of the Filipino people. Owing probably to our natural tendency to be hospitable, we don’t want our “guests” to be inconvenienced. We go out of our way to make sure they live a comfortable, convenient life. We always think of ways on how to make adjusting to our culture easy for them. In my previous company, for instance, the slightest “complaint” from any one of our expats would send the HR Team scrambling to their feet for solutions.
Until we became expats ourselves I thought all countries afford their expatriates with the same warm, friendly treatment. But our story is not the same as the expats in Manila. We are probably enjoying almost the same perks and benefits, but not the warmth and hospitality Filipinos are famous for. When my son got hospitalized due to mild pneumonia, no one from the company’s HR Team offered to help even though they knew we can’t read nor write their language. Neither did they send any get well greeting, fruit basket, or flowers. Something we always do in Manila.
No wonder expats in Manila stay a long time. It’s Manila’s people they don’t want to leave behind.
Goodbye Nappy, Hello Potty
Potty training has been my obsession – and disappointment – for almost a year, until last week. Having relied mainly on parenting books and websites, which on hindsight might not be really wise since they contain only “western” concepts & practices, I never really gave potty-training much thought until Luis turned 2. Somehow I got my mind conditioned to just wait for Luis to show the ‘signs of readiness’; that there was no need for me to ‘start the learning process’. The alarm sounded non-stop when I learned upon our move here in Seoul that schools will not accept Luis unless he’s potty-trained! So the saga of my O.C.-ness to train him began.
I tried all the tips and tricks I could find in books, the internet, and from friends. All to no avail. It’s not that Luis wouldn’t sit or cooperate. He was patient enough to let me read to him while we wait for the ‘big thing’ to come out. Sometimes he would sing while playing with the tissue paper. Other times he plays with his favorite race car. But the task proved more challenging than I initially thought it would be. Months and months passed without success and I reached the point of frustration and despair. Luis grew tired of trying, and wouldn’t want to try and do it in the toilet at all.
So it was totally unexpected when he agreed to sit in the big potty last week to try and do his thing. And it was exhilarating to see him succeed! It just happened. Now he shuns his training pants completely. He does not even wear one anymore when he sleeps at night
Be Careful What You Wish For
Months passed before I finally accepted I am no longer a career woman. I mean, I know it's probably harder being a homemaker -- a career in itself, mind you -- but for someone like me who's been in the corporate world as soon as I received my diploma, being out of it could be a shockingly abrupt and quite painful change. That's why I admonish you to be careful what you wish for, coz they just might come true
.
Before my husband accepted the offer for him to work here in Seoul, I was half-wishing I am a stay-at-home Mom. Or may be not only half-wishing but fervently wishing I don't have to wake up early each morning and leave my son with his yaya while I worry about other people's worries and my employer-company's worries. I felt totally burnt out such that I firmly believed only a drastic change can cure my woes. But when Do discussed with me a possible move for us for 2-3 years in Korea, I panicked. What will I do in Korea? What is to happen to my career? Surely not when I am just about to get the position I've worked so hard for? At the end of a very long discussion of pros and cons, here we are in Seoul. I am finally a stay-at-home Mom.
New friends I met in Seoul would always tell me to give myself 8 months -- after which I will no longer miss the challenges, pressures and excitement of corporate life. My anguish took a little longer than 8 months, though. I would, each and every day, brood the fact that I don't have work and there is simply not enough "intelligent" activities for me to engage in. That my brain is slowly rotting! That the only way for me to be happy where I am is to find a job. Surely I can manage especially if I will only work part-time? Again, I should have watched my mouth -- or my heart? God listens to our heart's desires and just when I am slowly adjusting to my homemaker career, I was offered a position in my previous company. One that I've always salivated for. And I panicked again. I am in Korea and the post is in Manila. Do I pack my bags and head home? Of course I will bring my son, but what about my husband? Who will take care of his needs if I will be away? Luis will surely miss him. Another episode of lonely nights thinking about what could become of me, career-wise, if I accept the post, and then the final decision to decline. My family means so much more to me.
So now I am watching very closely what I wish for. I realized how much blessed I already am such that my wishes are actually just
luho. Things that I can actually live peacefully and happily without.
Note: I first published this entry in my multiply site. I am republishing for the benefit of some of my friends who are having a hard time accessing multiply.
Musical Grease
The first time I saw it was in the 80’s, in the movie starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. I remembered it long after because of its songs. Who to this day are not familiar with, or have not heard at least, the songs
Hopelessly Devoted to You, Summer Nights, Greased Lightnin’, We Go Together, You’re The One That I Want?
Last Saturday we had the chance to watch its musical version at Chungmu Art Hall, starring an all-Broadway casts and produced by its current Broadway producers, Phoenix Entertainment. We went to see the matinee and actually heaved a sigh of relief upon seeing there are others, not just us, who came to see the show. We had second thoughts about watching because when we asked Do’s secretary to purchase us the tickets, she reported back in surprise that almost all seats were still available considering we’re buying only a week before our chosen date. She even faintly hinted we can refund if we want. The venue was actually almost full. Not a bad showing for a matinee.
The stage setup was very ordinary. I can readily name a few ‘improvements’ that will hardly have a dent on the producers’ profits – if I am asked. The production also failed, in my opinion, to make the casts look like the teenagers they were supposed to portray. Some really appeared as trying-hard-to-be-young-again wannabees, looking more like mothers of the teenagers they were portraying. Couldn’t they find young talents that they should use older ones and try and pass them off as teenagers by using the magic of makeup? Or was it just that, a failure on the part of the make up artist? They definitely look younger in their profile photos. Jamey Isenor as Danny Zuko is much too big and muscular for a much too small Hanna Liina Vosa’s Sandy. Laurie Taylor would have been a better Sandy, which made me wonder why she wasn’t considering she played the role in the US.
What compensated for these shortcomings is the singing. Oh but they’re really good. They sang with such ease you’d think everybody is naturally gifted in singing. And their voice quality and voice power are amazing. Hanna Liina made me think of Lea Salonga. Too bad I can’t remember if I really saw Lea portray Sandy before in a full musical, or it was just a pigment of my imagination (har, har, har). But I did saw Lea in They’re Playing Our Song and Miss Saigon.
Overall, it was a good watch. And, I understood for the first time that “greased lightnin’” is actually Roger’s car. Funny, though, that what made an impact on me – as in made me reminisce a little about my own high school days -- is not Danny and Sandy’s love story, but Patty’s running for the student body! Am I really getting old? Could getting old really be that bad? Oh, oh, oh….
Guilt
It's past midnight already but I can't sleep because of guilt. I wanted so badly for my son, Luis, to sleep earlier than his usual -- meaning sleeping at a decent hour for a 3 year old like him, for a change -- that I've been freaking out the past couple of nights because despite his sleepiness, actual sleep seem to elude him. Last night he slept past 1AM. This evening we deliberately turned the lights out at 9:30 to give him time to slow down, relax and finally fall asleep early. I figured this will not be hard since I saw his eyes already drooping and he won't stop yawning. But almost 2 hours after he was still wide awake. It was as though the darkness of the night has some magical effect on his senses, waking him up and pumping fresh supply of energy to last him another 2 hours or so. In my desperation, I repeatedly
ordered him to close his eyes and go to sleep. As if not being able to sleep was his fault and that he was deliberately disobeying me.
When he finally slept shortly before 12MN, I heaved a sigh of relief. That was more than 1 hour earlier than the usual. Guilt struck me hard when Do stressed he can see Luis really trying to obey me, but that somehow he can't force himself to sleep. Sigh...I can't argue with that. I think I saw his efforts, too. I am just so worried that sleeping really late is fast becoming a habit that might be harder to break later on.
Rice Terraces Not Unique?
I grew up believing that only the Philippines has rice terraces. My teachers did a fine job of inculcating pride in me for being part of a race that constructed the magnificent Banaue terraces some 2000 years ago.
But one day as I was surfing the net, I came across a site featuring China through photos. And this is what I saw...
I don't know what this is called. I will start searching now. But I must admit my pride was shattered a bit now that I know the terraces might not be unique to the Philippines afterall.
3 Without A Party
I was so stressed and so depressed at the same time last February. The night before I was to shop for items to put in Luis' birthday loot bags, it snowed. I realized that you can only appreciate the snow for a few hours, a day at the most. After that you get really worried because of all the errands that had to be put aside until after the roads cleared. It didn't help any that the temperature is way below 0 -- I wasn't sure anymore if "that day" was when temperature hit -14 degrees! -- suffice it to say that after the fun, you'd wish the now dirty snow will just go away. Not to be completely waylaid, I braved the streets the following day to visit the toy alley at Dongdaemun Market. I was shivering from head to toe! Good thing my friend Vivian was with me at the time and knew a Korean Restaurant that serves super-spicy soup (yum!). After about two hours of shopping, we slumped down the first available space we saw at the restaurant and literally ooohhed and aahhed at the warm, soothing effect of the super-spicy soup to our whole body.
We are supposed to have Luis' 3rd birthday party inside the U.S. Bases here in Yongsan. There's a bowling center there that hosts parties. All we had to do is make reservations and show up. But this is the first time Luis will be having a party with me as a stay-at-home Mom, so I figured I should prepare some more games and fun activities for all our guests. Compared with his 2 previous birthdays when I had to snatch time away from the office in order to make arrangements for his birthday, now I had all the time in the world. And then we didn't get to party.
A week before the end of January Luis started having cough and colds. To prevent it from progressing to a more serious condition I immediately brought him to Samsung Medical Center, flaunted to be the best and most modern hospital here in Seoul. To make the long story short, I ended up bringing him 7 times to 3 different doctors in 3 different hospitals. What's totally depressing is that after all these "preventive" moves we took, Luis still ended up confined at the hospital for 5 days due to broncho pneumonia. I was on the verge of an angry explosion and would have vented out my anger completely had cooler minds not prevailed. And why not, Luis got a "clean bill of health" just 2 days before he was diagnosed with broncho pneumonia! I wanted to sue the doctor who insisted we should stop giving medications to Luis because he is 100% well. I didn't believe him because I can see the symptoms. It's a good thing my instinct prevailed. I found another doctor referred by a friend and finally, the culprit for the cough and cold that won't go away was determined.
Luis ended up blowing the candles on his birthday cake at home. But a look at his expression erased my guilt for not having a real party this year. Why, he was just as thrilled!
